spare a thought

As always Stuart, words written by a very genuine and caring man who himself had to deal with a very sad lose this year. It is knowing someone like yourself that has always made me keep faith with this world and all the many sorts of people you have to deal with in life.

One thing that really united you and me this year was the sad lose of someone so close to us, in your case your very dear sister and in mine my loving wife Carol. Both taken away so cruelly by cancer and both far too young to see their lives end in the way they did.

Yes this is the season of goodwill and to be honest I have been so shocked these last few months to discover just how some people behave when someone passed away. I know everyone handles grief in different ways, but that can never excuse in my book, just some of the things I have had to witness and contend with.

One very recent event made me take a whole new look at life again and told me that each and every one of us, simply do not know what is around the corner and why we need to live each and every day to the full and get the most we can from each day. It’s the reason I decided that I can’t spend my life worrying what others may think, what they think I should be doing and even more so when they have a life and think its wrong for me to even consider that I should have one after losing Carol.

Two weeks ago and for the first time in my life I was a best man at a wedding for a life long friend. You would think that would be an honour and a privilege and yes it was, but while it was a day to be happy, it was a day I found so hard to hold back the tears.

My friend came into my life when we was 18 years old, his mum and dad were going through a hurtful and painful divorce and two events happened that changed this young man for life. The first was his brother losing his life after crashing his motorbike into a tree. A short time after this my friend was on his motorbike when a young boy stepped into the road and sadly was killed. My friend was in no way to blame, but I’m sure you can imagine the effects it had on him and too his credit, while it took a good number of years to even try and live his life again, he did find some sort of way.

It was six weeks ago he phoned me, “can you be my best man Dave in four weeks time” he asked. Yes I said but what’s the hurry? Are you afraid she may change her mind I replied. If only that was the reason, but sadly the real reason for getting married to quickly, was something I never expected.

Ten weeks ago Roger who is the same age that Carol was when she passed away in April, could not eat and after seeing his doctor was sent to the hospital for a scan. He sure never expected to be told he had nine months to live as he is full of cancer.

I stood beside him as both he and his bride made their vows, I’m not sure if the last thing they had to say was changed just for them, but never have words moved me so much as they both found it so hard to say those words. In other weddings I have attended, they say until death us to part, but they were asked to repeat, “Until we are parted by death”.

Well they both soon will be and far quicker than they would have wanted and sadly each and every one of us will be parted from someone we dearly love by death as death is the only thing that we know is certain in life. I decided that my best mans speech should just be fun and full of laughter as after all it was meant to be a happy day. I used my best Jethro voice and as I’m an ex entertainer, soon had then all laughing their heads off.

I can only hope they both some how can find a way to put what they both know is going to happen to the backs of their minds and try to be as happy as they can for how ever many days or months they have together.

Many of us on here are getting ever nearer to the day we ourselves will leave this earth; only unlike Roger we don’t yet have a clue when that day will come. Yet we put things off to tomorrow, we say we will do that or this one day, but never get around to it. Well maybe its time to change all that, maybe if we don’t we might one day learn we don’t have the time left we hoped we would have and then all those things we wanted to do, simply won’t happen as we won’t have the time left to do them.

I know now that I have to take what happiness I can and try and live my life to the full, I know I need to do the things I want to do and just maybe you should too. There are good people in this world and ones who can make us happy and make life worth living. Sadly there are also some nasty people and they can be found anywhere, even on forums as I’m sure we all know.

One lesson I have learned this year is that we need to be there for those who have been there for us, the rest can just jog on by and even if it means they may no longer be in our life, it may not turn out to be that much of a lose after all.

I’m going to enjoy this Christmas and try and be as happy as I can. Life has to go on and we only have one go at it as it’s not a rehearsal I’m afraid. Yes we need to spend some time thinking about those we loved who are no longer with us, but they are the very people who would want us to be happy and have a great Christmas as they loved us as much as we loved them.

I wish you all a very merry Christmas and hope that 2112 will be a great year for you all, for me it marks the start of a brand new year and a brand new start and I can only hope and pray for a better year than the one I’m about to leave behind.

I do hope to find more time to get back to posting again on the TFF, I thank all those who have continued to support the TFF and only hope in time the forum gets back to being how it was and more members contribute to it.

Have a great time dear fellow members

Dave