Post by Mr_W on Oct 10, 2011 11:34:07 GMT
..........Those of you who are old hands on here and date back from those dim and distant days on the old Dot.Con site from around March 2004 may remember this one - thought I'd pop it onto here as its' as relevant as it ever was.........
25 REASONS WHY OUR BEAUTIFUL GAME IS BETTER THAN "Rugby"
..........Please understand now that if anyone reading this in ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM considers themselves to be in the slightest, itsy bitsy biased towards being a "Rugger B u g g e r", then you MAY want to look away now, this is DEFINITELY NOT pleasant reading for you!..............
1. In Football, we call them shirts, in "rugby" its jerseys.
2. In Football, we call them socks, in "rugby" its stockings.
3. In Football circles, we refer to Football funnily enough as football, in "rugby" its "soccer".
4. Us Football players do not tend to take to the field of play possessing a r s e s the size of Her Majestys' Ship ARK ROYAL (in recent years with the exception of Branno and Howe possibly tbh), in "rugby" this would appear to be the norm.
5. We, in Football, quite rightly refer to the football as a ball, in "rugby" they refer to their egg-shaped object as a ball. Now, I ask you, realistically, how can a ball be egg-shaped? (We know what the dictionary says but come on now!!).
6. We, in Football. tend to have post-match celebratory drinking sessions for our teams winning exploits that do not generally involve drinking pints of cold sick or piddle, sticking vegetables up the bums of our team-mates, or playing the game known variously as "splat", "spot" or "flip-flop", where all the victorious team crouch around a large table and some sad, disfunctional and frankly, extremely disturbed degenerate, erm, defecates on aforementioned table, the stinking, offending object is whacked with a flip-flop, and the person ending up with the most "freckles" on their face must get the next round in. In "rugby" this is not as uncommon as you would think (the above heard first hand from a reliable source who is now a serving RN Officer and who prior to joining the RN and BRNC Dartmouth for training circa 1995 played amateur club "rugby" in South Wales, I got him to swear on his mothers life it was true!! - also, since initial publication of this list, I have heard a rather unpleasant story from the environs of a player involved at a Paignton-based Rugby Club as well along similar lines)
7. We Football players in general, do not have the perverse habit of wrapping our wrists, heads and thighs with black masking tape and bandages, in "rugby" this would appear to be very common.
8. In Football, when our team gives up the ghost, a score of 150-0 still tends not to come up too much, in "rugby", well, just look at the results in previous "world (ha, ha!) cups".
9. In Football, our shirts do not look like they would be more at home being worn either in the Tour De France, or by the Pet Shop Boys, Julian Clary or Alan Carr. In "rugby", well, just how ridiculously stupid can a 6'8", 20-plus stone lumbering man-mountain look?
10. In Football, our shorts tend to fit us, in "rugby" the players would appear to be wearing shorts that a below-average sized 4 year old would find too tight.
11. In Football, our results tend not to be decided by the odd bounce of the ball, in "rugby", the egg and its' shape have a HUGE influence on results.
12. In Football, we tend not to have ears which look more suited to being served up with roast potatoes, beef and gravy on a Sunday lunch-time by your Mum, rather than attached to the sides of your head. In "rugby", "cauliflower ears" are a current essential "fashion item".
13. In Football, our commentator for the last 350-plus years did not appear to have been some manic Scot screaming about how "they'll be singing up in Killyleekie" (or wherever) tonight" - in "rugby", in all seriousness I know Bill McLaren has now passed on so RIP Bill btw.
14. Us Football players tend not to cover our WHOLE heads with Vaseline, in "rugby", well just look at 'em!
15. In Football, our throw-ins are not accompanied by a whole string of meaningless, random numbers. In "rugby line-outs" these all apparently mean something or other, Lord knows what.
16. Us Football players tend not to be called Lewis, Louis, Toby, Josh, Jonny, Jeremy, Henry, Will, Ben, Austin or Lawrence - In "rugby" its' an absolute must!!!
17. Our English Football national team managers over the years tend not to have had the INTENSELY infuriating habit of having their polo-shirt collars turned up for no obvious, apparent reason when being interviewed by Sky, ITV or BBC - in "rugby" - three words, Clive Bloody Woodward.
18. In Football, we tend to know the rules enough to not give away vital penalties in the last minute to cost our team countless Championships, in "rugby" there would seem to be an element playing who clearly DO NOT know the full rules sufficiently, or just don't care!
19. In Football, when we are about to take a penalty, some little kid doesn't run on with either a bucket of sand or some weird blue gadget to stand the ball on - even more bizarrely, a small remote-controlled car may bring it on!! - in "rugby" you may even get another player, lying down to hold the egg up with one finger as you kick it!!!
20. In Football, kicking continually into touch does not really form a tactical part of the game. In "rugby" well, just how can you take that rubbish seriously? - also, how can games end with kicks into touch? - soooo wrong imho.
21. In Football, our referees do not continually "help" the players with various comments as the game progresses, in order to keep the game flowing. In "rugby", the wired-up ref, he da main man, and don't he just love it!
22. In Football, our tackling does not in general, involve grabbing our opponents "bits" and gouging their eyes on the blind side of the ref. In "rugby", well just watch any "scrum".
23. In Football, we call them substitutes, in "rugby" its' replacements - and while I'm on it, why generally aren't "rugby" players listed in 1-15 correct number order in line-ups in newspapers? - bizarre!
24. In Football, we book, send off and substitute. In "rugby" just what are "sin-bins" and "blood replacements" about?
25. In Football, our national teams penalty takers do not, usually, prior to taking penalties, appear to be either pretending to stir a giant Xmas pudding or indulging in some weird mime involving the opening of a lock for a canal boat, in "rugby" well lets just say "Heres' Jonnnnnnnnny"!!!
.......Seriously though, Rugby Union is not for me I fear, too many weird rules and most unfriendly on the eye to watch, the ball hidden half the time and FAR too many stoppages - Rugby League, I can just about stomach it - at least it can flow on a bit and is a wee bit more logical.......
.............late news-flash - England Rugby Union Team declared current World Champions of "Back-End New Zealand Ferry Auckland Harbour Diving" competition - nice to see we came back with something anyway (fecking idiot and no mistake, not big, funny OR clever, big lad - even if he WAS the best player out there for England, so I believe anyway).............
