Post by Dave on Jul 6, 2011 21:13:24 GMT
It’s nearly three months ago since my beautiful wife Carol died and as you might expect, it has been a very hard few months in my life to get through. There were so many things I had to deal with in my mind like having to be the one to hold Carols hand and telling her she would not be coming home from hospital and she only had days left of her life.
I was also put in a position I should never have been put in the day before she passed away, unable to move or even speak with all her organs failing, I was expected to give an answer about her being resuscitated when her heart stopped beating. I did complain about that afterwards and was told due to what was happening to her, the question should never have been asked in the first place, still I gave what was the correct answer for Carol and I know it was the only one that I should have given.
Carol dieing in my arms was also something I never expected I would ever have to have happen to me, but I’m happy and proud I was able to be with her right to the very end as that is what she wanted to happen.
I was so busy afterwards sorting everything out and so the impact of losing her did not hit me straight away, I also had someone I had to deal with who could not handle their own grief and somehow wanted to blame the fact that Carol was no longer with us on me.
But then it did hit me and boy did it hit me hard, it was Carol who I called out to come and help me, come and stop this pain as she was the only one who could. It took me a while to come to terms that she was not able to do that for me and once I did, I knew it was down to me to try and find a better way forward.
No I do not have the life I want right now and do not think I’m going to have it for sometime to come, but I have had to accept that Dave and Carol really are no more and that chapter of my life I have had to close. It does not mean I will ever stop loving her, nor that she won’t be in my thoughts each and every single day, but I do have to start what will be the last chapter of my life without her.
People say I was lucky to have those 19 wonderful years with Carol as some don’t ever get that, very true but it was taken away from both of us and it ending was not something we wanted to happen. I don’t want to have to be content with just those 19 years of happiness in my life and that is the reason I’m going to try as hard as possible to make what years I have left as happy as they can be.
I thought a while ago the answer was so simple. Simply replace all I lost in one go and then all my problems would be over, but I now know that is not the answer for me right now. I really hope I can meet someone new in time who will want to spend the rest of their days with me; I can only hope I find her.
I thought it would be simple going out for walks with a lady as friends so I could once again enjoy the sort of things I did with Carol. To date I have been out with two such ladies and boy it ended up all getting far too complicated with a simple walk getting confused with going out on a date with me.
For public decency reasons I won’t go into detail about one thing that happened to me as a result of such a walk, ( no I’m still a virgin as such ha ha) but when Rob phoned me the other day I think he was shocked. Still it has all made me end up laughing and Rob said it was so good to hear me laughing again.
I have everything in order now and just need to keep focused on moving forward one step at a time, I have a plan of action and as I said I know what I want to happen for me. I have always believed in my own ability to make things happen and I need to keep that believeth in myself.
Thanks once again for the support a good number of you have given me, Stuartb, Jon, Lou have all been stars along with a few others. I now have to do the very last thing for Carol and that is The Walk For Carol this coming Sunday, still hope a few more of you will visit the just giving website set up and chuck a few pounds in.
All the best
Dave
I was also put in a position I should never have been put in the day before she passed away, unable to move or even speak with all her organs failing, I was expected to give an answer about her being resuscitated when her heart stopped beating. I did complain about that afterwards and was told due to what was happening to her, the question should never have been asked in the first place, still I gave what was the correct answer for Carol and I know it was the only one that I should have given.
Carol dieing in my arms was also something I never expected I would ever have to have happen to me, but I’m happy and proud I was able to be with her right to the very end as that is what she wanted to happen.
I was so busy afterwards sorting everything out and so the impact of losing her did not hit me straight away, I also had someone I had to deal with who could not handle their own grief and somehow wanted to blame the fact that Carol was no longer with us on me.
But then it did hit me and boy did it hit me hard, it was Carol who I called out to come and help me, come and stop this pain as she was the only one who could. It took me a while to come to terms that she was not able to do that for me and once I did, I knew it was down to me to try and find a better way forward.
No I do not have the life I want right now and do not think I’m going to have it for sometime to come, but I have had to accept that Dave and Carol really are no more and that chapter of my life I have had to close. It does not mean I will ever stop loving her, nor that she won’t be in my thoughts each and every single day, but I do have to start what will be the last chapter of my life without her.
People say I was lucky to have those 19 wonderful years with Carol as some don’t ever get that, very true but it was taken away from both of us and it ending was not something we wanted to happen. I don’t want to have to be content with just those 19 years of happiness in my life and that is the reason I’m going to try as hard as possible to make what years I have left as happy as they can be.
I thought a while ago the answer was so simple. Simply replace all I lost in one go and then all my problems would be over, but I now know that is not the answer for me right now. I really hope I can meet someone new in time who will want to spend the rest of their days with me; I can only hope I find her.
I thought it would be simple going out for walks with a lady as friends so I could once again enjoy the sort of things I did with Carol. To date I have been out with two such ladies and boy it ended up all getting far too complicated with a simple walk getting confused with going out on a date with me.
For public decency reasons I won’t go into detail about one thing that happened to me as a result of such a walk, ( no I’m still a virgin as such ha ha) but when Rob phoned me the other day I think he was shocked. Still it has all made me end up laughing and Rob said it was so good to hear me laughing again.
I have everything in order now and just need to keep focused on moving forward one step at a time, I have a plan of action and as I said I know what I want to happen for me. I have always believed in my own ability to make things happen and I need to keep that believeth in myself.
Thanks once again for the support a good number of you have given me, Stuartb, Jon, Lou have all been stars along with a few others. I now have to do the very last thing for Carol and that is The Walk For Carol this coming Sunday, still hope a few more of you will visit the just giving website set up and chuck a few pounds in.
All the best
Dave