Week 139

Yes Rob it was very disappointing that there were no match reports for the Bradford game, a first on the TFF. Also disappointing we had no votes cast this week for the poster of the week, this has only happened once before.

I will be back on the TFF as soon as it’s possible; right now I’m having to deal with a whole load of new emotions I have never had to deal with in my life before. Up until six months ago anyone who saw Carol would never have known of the nine year battle she had cancer unless they had been told, but these last six months saw that cancer step up a gear.

I have never had anyone die in my arms before and for it to be the love of my life has had an effect on me for sure. Yet I knew at the end it was the best for thing for Carol to free her from the pain and suffering.

21 years ago my marriage to my first wife ended and I had such different emotions to deal with back then than I have now for the lose of my Carol. Carol and I were still so very much in love and maybe that has helped me in some way as our love itself never died; only she was taken away from me due to that horrible thing called cancer.

I can’t get me head around the fact that 21 years ago it took four years before I could end things in a court and be a free man. Nine days ago at five past seven in the evening I was a married man and just five minutes later a free one in the eyes of the law.

What was mine was Carols and everything was always in joint names and we only had the one joint bank account, I have found it a difficult process all this week having her name removed from everything. 21 years ago all I wanted was to get name removed from anything that had my ex wife’s name on it as well, but then that was a relationship I wanted ended and that certainly was not the case as far as Carol and I were concerned.

I have also been so very busy making all the arrangements for what will be the celebration of Carol’s life, that day next week is going to be a very hard one to get through for sure.

Its like I said to Ant, for 36 years of my life I have been married and had a partner by my side, out of the remaining 20 years 16 of them were spent at school, so its hard finding myself on my own so to speak.

Carol did everything, she paid all the bills, ran the whole household and even bought my clothes and every other thing I ever needed, its only now she has gone, I have come to realized just how much she did do for me.

When we first started going out with each other 19 years ago and both knew we were perfect for each other, we talked about just growing old together. Sadly that’s not now going to happen, but I will treasure those wonderful 19 years she was in my life.

Where I go from here I’m not sure yet, I do know I have to try and find some happiness as that is what Carol said she wanted me to do just before she was no longer able to talk to me on the Wednesday, two days before she passed away.
I’m planning to go back to work a week tomorrow, so only a week left to learn better how that bloody washing machine works, a better way to peg the washing on the line, how hot the iron needs to be and how to cook some decent food for Ant and Steve.

I owe a great deal this last few weeks to Ant, what a rock he has been once again for me in my life. Thanks Ant we may be on our own again as we were 21 years ago, but we both know just how lucky we have been the last 19 years to have had Carol in our life.

Thanks Rob for keeping the TFF going for me.

All the best

Dave