I’m pleased it made you laugh Mr W; as that tells me the clown in me is still very much alive. I laughed for a good half an hour when I read the story in the Herald Express. I do not know how this group is funded and if I’m paying for them through my council tax. It’s the sort of crazy ideas those getting paid large sums of money come up with, those we are told have to be paid so much as that is what you have to do to get the very best people for the job.
But hey, I have had some time now to think about this a bit more and you know what? I think they could be onto a winner if they go about it the right way and do all their homework correctly.
I can now see two reasons that might make it work, mind you the first one would see numbers visiting the zoon drop, but the second one would get those still happy to pay to go to the zoo, wanting to go to the Paignton Town Centre Safari Park, to complete their zoo visit.
There are two games we all end up playing when we go to Paignton zoo and I will fully explain both of them one by one. The first game is called “ Dead, Alive, Stuffed or Model” Yes there are animals on display that you can’t really decide if they are dead, alive, just stuffed or in fact only really a model.
The best example I can use to illustrate my point, is one of the newer attractions at Paignton Zoo, the crocodile swamp building. Once in the zoo grounds you come across the sign that will lead you to this new attraction. At this point your heart has already started to race faster and it’s possible a sweat caused by fear may be on your brow.
The reason for this is you would have seen the adverts on the TV and heard them on the radio and those adverts end by saying come and see the crocs if you dare. They have made you feel that only the bravest of the very bravest crocodile hunters in living history, will go into the building to face those Nile crocodiles
You walk up the ramp and now have you hand on the door handle, but you pause and only because you can hear the swamp noises coming from inside and you convinced yourself, you heard in the mush of the noise, a child being eaten alive.
But you tell yourself that you are a brave crocodile hunter and pull the door open and march inside, only to be hit in the face by a mist spray designed to make it feel like a real crocodile swamp.
You are now leaning up against the glass that is just over waist high for most people, ( I need someone to lift me up to see over it) and there before your very eyes down below is the very dangerous crocodile that has been known to snack on men bigger than you.
Game one now starts in earnest and can last up to an hour depending on you stay ability or if you just give up in the end. You must keep your eyes firmly fixed on the crocodile and have to decide if in fact it is alive, dead, stuffed or really only a model. You will be looking for any signs of breathing, or even eye movement. Most people fail this game as the bloody thing does nothing to indicate one way or the other.
So those clever people can cash in if they are smart enough, they would need to use the services of say davethegull to fully market their town centre safari park and could use a slogan that maybe said “ why pay to see animals you are not sure are alive, dead, stuffed or just models, when you can see ours for free and know 100% they are just models”
Reason two is the I think will be the one that really makes a big difference and will empty the zoo way before closing time and see the Paignton Town Centre Safari Park packed to the rafters.
When those paying zoo customers are handed over their tickets, they will also be given a list of all the animals on display at the Paignton Town Centre Safari Park, the list is going to prove invaluable later when the second game is played.
Mind you most people would have never expected to have to play this game, but have no choice really if they are trying to get value for money from their zoo visit. The name of game number two is “ Spot The Animal” this game will in fact take up most of your whole day out at Paignton Zoo and can be a very frustrating game to play indeed.
The game starts when you are standing in front on say a glass fronted display that has some creature or other living in it. The five year old you took with you to the zoo will soon be tugging at your sleeve and saying” what animal lives in here dad, what animal”
For me this was always the time I cursed my secondary modern school education and I’ll tell you why. There is a sign to read and the animals name has more letters in it than the whole bloody alphabet has and they are all arranged in a very strange order. I get about a third of the way along trying to say the name before I give up.
But the zoo are a good lot and put a get of jail card on the sign in the form of a picture of the animal “ pointing to the sign you tell the five year old “ its one of them son that’s what it is”
The next two minutes are spent reading about the natural habitat of the animal and also its methods of sexual reproduction. Then you get to the last line that makes you remember your own sexual reproductive behaviour when you were young.
EATS SHOOTS AND LEAVES. 
Time to take a little look of the darling, only your fist scan with your eyes of the whole display, fails to find any trace of him. Its time to get a bit more scientific and so you start looking in the top right hand corner and slowly work to a pattern to ensure you cover every inch of the display.
Still no sign so up goes your nose against the glass, I’m not really sure what this action achieves, but you do it anyway. Now you are bending over to your left and then your right with your head held at a funny angle that causes you to feel a pain in your neck. Still no sign of the bloody thing and now you are bent over backwards and almost upside down trying to look up the roof of the display.
That five year olds tugging at your sleeve again” dad I want to see him you have got to find him for me” Its at this point you remember what your mother and father told you when you were five and were making the same demands. They told you the animal was not in there as he had gone away on his summer holidays. Now at five I know I was happy to believe that but wait!!! You don’t need to use that old excuse.
In your pocket is the list of all the animals on display at the new Paignton Town Centre Safari Park and this is where those clever people got all their homework spot on. You check the list and this unable to spot in his display animal is on the list.
“ He is down town at the Paignton Town Centre Safari Park doing his weekly shopping and we can go and see him after we have seen all the rest of the animals in the zoo” Perfect result as not only does the five year get to see him( well we know its only a model) but those zoo customers go and visit the new Paignton Town Centre Safari Park. Brilliant and I’m just a bit pissed off I didn’t come up with the idea myself.
