Post by Dave on Aug 5, 2010 18:24:46 GMT
Just sitting in front of the TV eating my tea and on comes the breaking news that three children had died in a gas explosion and the mother injured after jumping out of a window. Later in the evening comes the news the gas supply was not found to be faulty and then this morning the even worse news that the children had been stabbed.
This was followed by news that the mother was locked in a custody battle over the three children with their father and while the full facts are not known, I would suspect the custody battle has played a large part in what has so sadly happened.
We have all read about so many cases where due to custody battles young innocent children end up being killed by one of their parents, children born in a once loving relationship, dying because that very relationship ended up in hatred or bitterness.
I now live in a world where everything seems to be only about child protection, yes they need to be protected but there has to be real dangers in the first place and it’s a case far to often dangers are seem by some that aren’t even there and as a result where children can end up in danger, or risk being so deeply hurt it will scar them for life are overlooked or simply ignored.
Two people meet and fall in love and at that point feel they want to spend their whole lives together, get a nice home and have children and when they have grown up and fled the nest enjoy having the grandchildren around and also have the time again to spend with each other and do all those things they couldn’t before because they had the children.
Well that was the plan when they were so in love and at it like rabbits and always telling each other just how much they loved each other and would carry on doing so until they died. We do change as we get older and we might as a result want different things from what we once wanted, or our feelings we had for someone else can change.
They may be the reasons one person in the relationship wants it to come to an end, there are many other reasons as well why a marriage will come to an end and it won’t just be the reasons why it has that will play a big part in what will happen to those children’s lives afterward, it will also be the way the end is dealt with and brought to a conclusion.
Some couples will be able to sit down and chat after being together for years and tell each other they are not happy any longer and feel its best to end the marriage, because its what they both believe they want, so often they can just get on and undo everything that tied them together, ensue they both see the children as often as they want and can even end up being better friends afterward.
But even such amenable partings can end up sour and see the children end up getting used as tools and being deprived of seeing one of their parents, a good example would be if mum ended up on her own and dad had moved in with his new girlfriend and the mum deciding she did not want the fathers new woman playing mummy to her children.
So even what seemed the perfect end with good arrangements put in place to ensure the children did not suffer can go wrong and end up with the very things both parents wanted to protect getting caught in the middle and having their own lives so badly effect often with personality changing consequences to them.
It gets a whole lot worse if its only one person in the marriage that wants it to end and if lets say it’s the man who does not want the marriage to end, it often ends up with him having to leave the family home, give up nearly everything he has worked for and if he is lucky may still end up being a Sunday dad.
I ended up being a Sunday dad to my youngest of three children before she was as good as abducted and taken to Wales without my knowledge or consent and we all regularly see Sunday dads out in Mc Donald’s or other such places with their kids and some you can see are enjoying their time together and some fathers show signs that its just something they have to do and are not really enjoying.
Things can become a whole lot worse if the mother ended it all because she loved another man, now the Sunday dad has to learn to deal with another man maybe moving into what was once his home and watch as another man plays daddy to his kids and such circumstances can end up with the real father feeing hard dumb by and may also feel he is losing his children. Those feelings can get even worse if he gets told he can’t have the kids this Sunday as she and her new man want to take them somewhere and because of the way things are arranged these days, there is not a thing he can do about even if he wanted too.
Most women I believe will always put their children first and will want the natural father to play a big apart as possible in the children’s lives and when that does happen those deep feelings of resentment and the feeling of lose do not happen so much. The father then in time moves on and gets his own life back as he wants it to be and still has his children and makes the best than can be made from the situation he never wanted to happen in the first place.
I suppose so much will always come down to the nature of the person and what values they have and what they hold dear to their heart, I would rather Carol told me she no longer loved me if that was the case than for her to live a lie that would result in us both ending up very unhappy. Nor would I try and hold on to her if she really wanted to go, not that I believe she would ever want to, but what would be the point of trying to hold onto someone who really did not want to be with you anymore.
The real problems come when one of the people in the divorce end up getting very bitter and as a result turn spiteful and will not stop for a second to consider the children, NO, it will all just be about trying to carry on the hurt and do all they can to prevent their now ex partner being able to get on with their live and have as much as possible their children in it.
The fact is they can and I know from my own firsthand experience with my youngest child and with all the talk we here these days about child protection and child welfare, why is that not a consideration when divorces are dealt with and why are not proper and legal things put in place to ensure the children get to see both of their parents as much as they want too. Its no good trying to tell me they are, to a point they maybe but can be broken at a whim by the parent with the custody of the children, that is something that needs to be stopped and while I do not have the answers how that can be done, I do believe a way needs to be found if we are not to end up seeing more innocent children lose their lives because one parent ended up feeling they were going to lose them from their lives anyway.
Solicitors have very vital roles to play in our lives and we never know when we might next need one and there are so many things we might need their excellent skills, but they played no part in a couple getting married and I hold the view they should only have a part to play at the very end of any divorce. For example sorting out the deeds of the family home, making certain agreed things legal etc etc etc.
There once was a time if a man decided to end his marriage he only had to provide a bed for his wife to sleep on, those days are thankfully gone and any man say deciding to end his marriage should make sure his wife and children are provided for when he is gone. But something’s have gone too far the other way and I will never believe its right that a woman can commit adultery lets say and end up with the house and the children and can then even control if and when the father even sees his children. We are meant to live in a country where justice is seen to be done and yet in these situations it clearly does not happen and the villain so often ends up with the spoils of the war.
Once solicitors become involved they end up only trying to ensure their client comes out as best from it all as possible, they get involved with allegations and then counter allegations that only end up making the situation a whole lot worse as it generates even more bad feelings between the two parties concerned.
I believe a better way really does need to be found and anyone wanting a divorce would have to file it to a special body set up to deal with all the stages of the divorce apart from the very end where the solicitors then take over.
Meetings would have to take place and the very best way forward found to reduce the feeling of lose, to reduce the risk of bitterness, to ensure proper arrangements are sorted out for the custody and access of the children and to further make it all fully enforceable so no one could go back of what was agreed.
Those who are poor get legal aid and those better off have to pay their solicitor and this is how the new body would be funded and it would be a lot cheaper as it would not get dragged out for as long as possible and there would not be such high fees set in the first place so the legal aid bill would be reduced.
The solicitors only really sort of the legal side of things and look after their clients, somehow the children do seem to get forgotten somewhere along the way when they should be considered so much more to ensure they suffer as least as possible.
Well on the other hand people getting married could do what I did when I married Carol, I knew what words I would have to say and it was never the case I just parroted them, I meant ever single word I said to her that day when I made my pledges to her. I will love her in sickness and in health and it really will be death do us part.
This was followed by news that the mother was locked in a custody battle over the three children with their father and while the full facts are not known, I would suspect the custody battle has played a large part in what has so sadly happened.
We have all read about so many cases where due to custody battles young innocent children end up being killed by one of their parents, children born in a once loving relationship, dying because that very relationship ended up in hatred or bitterness.
I now live in a world where everything seems to be only about child protection, yes they need to be protected but there has to be real dangers in the first place and it’s a case far to often dangers are seem by some that aren’t even there and as a result where children can end up in danger, or risk being so deeply hurt it will scar them for life are overlooked or simply ignored.
Two people meet and fall in love and at that point feel they want to spend their whole lives together, get a nice home and have children and when they have grown up and fled the nest enjoy having the grandchildren around and also have the time again to spend with each other and do all those things they couldn’t before because they had the children.
Well that was the plan when they were so in love and at it like rabbits and always telling each other just how much they loved each other and would carry on doing so until they died. We do change as we get older and we might as a result want different things from what we once wanted, or our feelings we had for someone else can change.
They may be the reasons one person in the relationship wants it to come to an end, there are many other reasons as well why a marriage will come to an end and it won’t just be the reasons why it has that will play a big part in what will happen to those children’s lives afterward, it will also be the way the end is dealt with and brought to a conclusion.
Some couples will be able to sit down and chat after being together for years and tell each other they are not happy any longer and feel its best to end the marriage, because its what they both believe they want, so often they can just get on and undo everything that tied them together, ensue they both see the children as often as they want and can even end up being better friends afterward.
But even such amenable partings can end up sour and see the children end up getting used as tools and being deprived of seeing one of their parents, a good example would be if mum ended up on her own and dad had moved in with his new girlfriend and the mum deciding she did not want the fathers new woman playing mummy to her children.
So even what seemed the perfect end with good arrangements put in place to ensure the children did not suffer can go wrong and end up with the very things both parents wanted to protect getting caught in the middle and having their own lives so badly effect often with personality changing consequences to them.
It gets a whole lot worse if its only one person in the marriage that wants it to end and if lets say it’s the man who does not want the marriage to end, it often ends up with him having to leave the family home, give up nearly everything he has worked for and if he is lucky may still end up being a Sunday dad.
I ended up being a Sunday dad to my youngest of three children before she was as good as abducted and taken to Wales without my knowledge or consent and we all regularly see Sunday dads out in Mc Donald’s or other such places with their kids and some you can see are enjoying their time together and some fathers show signs that its just something they have to do and are not really enjoying.
Things can become a whole lot worse if the mother ended it all because she loved another man, now the Sunday dad has to learn to deal with another man maybe moving into what was once his home and watch as another man plays daddy to his kids and such circumstances can end up with the real father feeing hard dumb by and may also feel he is losing his children. Those feelings can get even worse if he gets told he can’t have the kids this Sunday as she and her new man want to take them somewhere and because of the way things are arranged these days, there is not a thing he can do about even if he wanted too.
Most women I believe will always put their children first and will want the natural father to play a big apart as possible in the children’s lives and when that does happen those deep feelings of resentment and the feeling of lose do not happen so much. The father then in time moves on and gets his own life back as he wants it to be and still has his children and makes the best than can be made from the situation he never wanted to happen in the first place.
I suppose so much will always come down to the nature of the person and what values they have and what they hold dear to their heart, I would rather Carol told me she no longer loved me if that was the case than for her to live a lie that would result in us both ending up very unhappy. Nor would I try and hold on to her if she really wanted to go, not that I believe she would ever want to, but what would be the point of trying to hold onto someone who really did not want to be with you anymore.
The real problems come when one of the people in the divorce end up getting very bitter and as a result turn spiteful and will not stop for a second to consider the children, NO, it will all just be about trying to carry on the hurt and do all they can to prevent their now ex partner being able to get on with their live and have as much as possible their children in it.
The fact is they can and I know from my own firsthand experience with my youngest child and with all the talk we here these days about child protection and child welfare, why is that not a consideration when divorces are dealt with and why are not proper and legal things put in place to ensure the children get to see both of their parents as much as they want too. Its no good trying to tell me they are, to a point they maybe but can be broken at a whim by the parent with the custody of the children, that is something that needs to be stopped and while I do not have the answers how that can be done, I do believe a way needs to be found if we are not to end up seeing more innocent children lose their lives because one parent ended up feeling they were going to lose them from their lives anyway.
Solicitors have very vital roles to play in our lives and we never know when we might next need one and there are so many things we might need their excellent skills, but they played no part in a couple getting married and I hold the view they should only have a part to play at the very end of any divorce. For example sorting out the deeds of the family home, making certain agreed things legal etc etc etc.
There once was a time if a man decided to end his marriage he only had to provide a bed for his wife to sleep on, those days are thankfully gone and any man say deciding to end his marriage should make sure his wife and children are provided for when he is gone. But something’s have gone too far the other way and I will never believe its right that a woman can commit adultery lets say and end up with the house and the children and can then even control if and when the father even sees his children. We are meant to live in a country where justice is seen to be done and yet in these situations it clearly does not happen and the villain so often ends up with the spoils of the war.
Once solicitors become involved they end up only trying to ensure their client comes out as best from it all as possible, they get involved with allegations and then counter allegations that only end up making the situation a whole lot worse as it generates even more bad feelings between the two parties concerned.
I believe a better way really does need to be found and anyone wanting a divorce would have to file it to a special body set up to deal with all the stages of the divorce apart from the very end where the solicitors then take over.
Meetings would have to take place and the very best way forward found to reduce the feeling of lose, to reduce the risk of bitterness, to ensure proper arrangements are sorted out for the custody and access of the children and to further make it all fully enforceable so no one could go back of what was agreed.
Those who are poor get legal aid and those better off have to pay their solicitor and this is how the new body would be funded and it would be a lot cheaper as it would not get dragged out for as long as possible and there would not be such high fees set in the first place so the legal aid bill would be reduced.
The solicitors only really sort of the legal side of things and look after their clients, somehow the children do seem to get forgotten somewhere along the way when they should be considered so much more to ensure they suffer as least as possible.
Well on the other hand people getting married could do what I did when I married Carol, I knew what words I would have to say and it was never the case I just parroted them, I meant ever single word I said to her that day when I made my pledges to her. I will love her in sickness and in health and it really will be death do us part.