yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Get in

Yessssssssssssss too!
But if I had to watch that every week I would take up knitting!!!

That was replicated in my home too.................

I only caught the last ten minutes of Cambridge v Stevenage as I spent the day getting my car valeted and fueled for work today, doing the weekly shop and recovering from extremely high blood pressure brought on by the girl next door answering my knock in the sheerest, tiniest slinkiest top and shorts one could possibly go to bed in..................I never knew legs could be so long!

Then it was off to the hospital to collect Bijou and Calvin, and bring them home for what always happens with her family when a new addition is brought home..................within minutes a mass invasion of female rellies, friends and kids in tow so that any chance of watching extra time from the Shabby Stad went out of the window. I knew I was up against this tide of humanity arriving at our home and completely oblivious to mummy's need to rest and be quiet and the fact that baby is sleeping on they come, food in arms, Papa Wembo Cd's by the bucketful; a hundred and one cute little kids in Sunday best taffeta frocks, exotic hair do's and the little boys in designer gear neatly pressed and shiny shoes (at least for the first half an hour! )

The house is now rocking and the chatter grows louder and more animated, the floor of the lobby, kitchen and kids bedroom disappears from view and the air is full of French, Portuguese, Lingala, Ebo, Hausa and even Urdu for all I know with a good dose of Turkish thrown in (yes, I definitely, heard Turkish so there must be a Turk or two here) outbreaks of mass laughter.............I can't even find my missus and Calvin ~ oh yes Calvin: he's been dumped in his rocker beside me, one nephew in law and a disbelieving Anthony shaking his head in amazement at Rorks Drift on the telly; oh sorry it's the Mad Professor and his Scarecrow Army re-enacting the Luftwaffe Blitz on the East End circa 1941.

By half time, my once pristine white Gulls top is covered in smudges of foundation, lipstick and spilled champagne, I've refused at least a hundred offers of salt fish, dumplings, snappers full of killer bones, chicken.................always the obligatory chicken I'll look like a bloody chicken one day..............and other delicacies from all points of the globe brought over by the armful to a party to which I (as usual) had no knowledge of it's timing, nor requests of permission for it's location.

On and on the bombardment goes from the Scarecrows and the only bit of the TV excitement I really enjoy is Robbi's fore arm smash into the face of one of the 'Crows which the inept and extremely benevolent ref deems unworthy of a red card................"oh OK then, seems like he ain't so bad after all!"

By now I've endured a ton of breast flesh shoved in my face by the still arriving tide of auntie so and so's more of my age group now and probably the mums of the object of the lascivious desires I'm harbouring towards half of the house guests clacking around and ruining our flooring in stilletto heels................it's OK not a single male will arrive until they've all shot their bolt and screamed/chatted their way into oblivion and until their jaws need a five thousand mile service, by then I will have changed into my navy Armani suit, primrose Gucci shirt and remembered to put that gold watch on that they all seem to love. If I can prise some of them away from the shoe cupboard door I might manage to ease it open, feel inside and come up with a matching pair of shoes to put on ~ well two black ones would be a result tonight I think!

Then a mighty shout rends the air, little Calvin jumps like a grasshopper and cries and there is utter, utter silence from the female throng................the ref's blown for time, and old Merse let's rip with a roaring "YeSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!, get in there!" They all come to the conclusion that I'm as mad as a box of frogs and turn up the volume once more.

Just one of them comes and enquires the reason for the explosion of sound and there she is...................."oh hello, I; I didn't recognise you with your clothes on!"

It's four a.m. now and I'm STILL banging away, (now where have I heard that one before?) the house is silent; the family all asleep in one bed in our bedroom and all is miraculously clean and sparkling. Work beckons, but I wonder if I should pop next door for some sugar?